You’re sitting across from an extremely attractive person and you can’t handle it so what do you do?? You start chatting away about something completely inane and can’t seem to stop yourself until you’ve recognized that the person has lost interest and by then it’s too late…oof!!
Why do some of us feel the need to talk so much when in a group or in an intimate setting or in a job interview??
Maybe you don’t even KNOW you’re a rambler but everyone else around you does and when you come up to chat they are busy trying to find an excuse to duck out of the conversation! Ahhh!!
WELL the good news is, we can get to the bottom of it. There is a way to stop and become more self-aware in this regard. Let’s get to it.
So why do you do it? Could it be nerves, being afraid of silence, or feeling the need to impress someone? Sure! It could be any or all of these. But let’s get down to the actual root cause. The WHY behind all of these.
For a lot of you, the reason WHY you chat away is because…you are afraid to feel. Take that in for a second…and feel it ;).
When you are in these situations that lead you to stray away from being in the present moment and instead get completely in your head and start chatting away, you are actually avoiding whatever feelings are coming up from the inside and are distracting yourself away from them by talking over them. YUP.
The good news is, now that you know, you can snap back out of ramble mode and into being present because you are aware of what’s actually going on. For an audience or the person at the other end of the dinner table, it is way more impressive to be a present and great listener than it is to chat someone’s face off. Listening is an extremely important part of communicating and arguably a better way to connect with others.
This is not to say that all people who talk incessantly are not deeply connected to others. But when you’re chatting away and so into your zone of talking, it makes it difficult for you to recognize the response of your listeners.
The best communicators and the ones who come across as being “charming,’ are the ones that recognize when there is a give and take between talking and listening. There is an interactive rhythm and they are attuned to using that rhythm.
A) Pause before you are about to speak and gather your thoughts.
B) Take a step back and take note of the ratio of time in which you’ve been speaking and when others in the group or the other person has had a chance to speak. It should be 50/50 or skewed more in the favor of you being an active listener.
C) Take in the body language and connect with the eyes of the other person – this will snap you right back into what’s actually happening and you’ll probably stop talking because you might notice that they’ve already glazed over!
It’s a work in progress but it’s an awesome way to practice being more present and more charming to others because as we all know, everyone’s favorite subject matter is themselves! Be someone who is okay with listening and then add to the conversation in a specific way rather than taking it over and steamrolling the people around you.
YOU GOT THIS!!!